4 Superhero-Sized Issues With "The Man Of Steel"

“The Man Of Steel” was directed by Zack Snyder, the director of “300.” It was produced by Christopher Nolan, the writer and director of the most recent Batman trilogy. It was co-written by David Goyer, the man that worked with Christopher and Jonathan Nolan on the Batman trilogy. And it stars Oscar-winning actress Amy Adams, “Handsome” Henry Cavill and “Mischievous” Michael Shannon.

This move is the all-star team of action movies and its box office totals as of July, 2013, put it at over $400 million. That doesn’t include, merchandising, DVD sales, broadcast contracts with cable networks, product placement or anything else. Looks like it’s doing pretty well for itself. And deservedly so.

No matter how much people enjoy something there’s always a way to take it down a peg. However, for a movie this big with talent this huge the holes are pretty damn huge. You can suspend disbelief, but only so far before it gets annoying.

4 Superhero-Sized Issues With “The Man Of Steel”  was originally published on giantlife.com

1. Superman’s pants don’t burn

While working on a rough and tumble fishing boat for all of one minute a distress call comes from an oil rig. Some workers were trapped with no hope for escape. But their new greenhorn (rookie) just happened to be Superman which means he was their greenhorn no longer.

Dude showed up on the oil rig and ripped a door off its hinges to set the trapped workers free. Problem? Superman was on fire from head to toe…but his pants weren’t even cooking. Mind you, his shirt, socks and shoes were all gone. But somehow his pants remained intact enough so as not to get you a look at his Superjunk.

I’m sure showing Superman’s power pebbles would put a serious crimp on the movie’s ability to remain PG-13, but at least come up with some kind of believable back story for why his pants won’t burn. Or just shoot him at angles where he’s implying nudity. Imagine Superman showing up butt naked to rescue the workers and they’re all staring at his business. Comedy writes itself, gentlemen. Let’s get it right next time.

4 Superhero-Sized Issues With “The Man Of Steel”  was originally published on giantlife.com

2. Women exist to be rescued

There were four women of note in this movie: Superman’s mom, Lois Lane, an intern and General Zod’s Sub-Commander Faora. The only one that was never rescued was… Can you guess? No one. Each one had to be rescued by some bigger, badder dude in this movie.

Women may not have as much upper-body strength as men, but they can still use cunning and guile to achieve a multitude of ends. Superman’s mom is old, so she gets a pass. Faora put the hardest, strongest whoopin’ on everyone, including Superman, so she gets a pass. The intern was merely an excuse to have Morpheus aka Laurence Fishburne try to rescue somebody before ultimately being rescued himself.

Lois Lane is a journalist who, according to the movie, was used to working with a flak jacket. Why was her greatest achievement relaying some info from Superman’s computer dad to a scientist? Some may say her ability to keep quiet and take a personal and professional hit on Superman’s behalf lends to her character. But take a broader look at it. Lois Lane was just a nag looking to build her career by outing a secretive do-gooder who only chilled out when she saw how hot he was.

4 Superhero-Sized Issues With “The Man Of Steel”  was originally published on giantlife.com

3. Lois Lane always wears heels

It’s cool to know that a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist can also be a snappy dresser, but when you know the world may be in danger and your help could aid Superman…why not throw on some sneaks? It’s cool to be fashionable in all sorts of situations, but not when aliens are threatening to eradicate Earth. Put down the Manolos and pick up the Reebok’s baby.

4 Superhero-Sized Issues With “The Man Of Steel”  was originally published on giantlife.com

4. General Zod is a p*ssy

On Krypton every citizen is birthed through artificial means. In so doing, each one is born to do a specific thing for the growth and furtherance of Krypton. General Zod was bred to be a soldier and, by his own admission, trained in martial arts, weapons, anything you can think of for the purpose of protecting his people.

Someone must have messed up his programming though because he seems to have majored in getting his ass kicked more than anything else. Superman’s dad was beating General Zod’s ass until Zod shived him. Superman’s dad was bred to be a scientist, not a warrior. Superman, who’d had waaaay less training in the fighting arts took Zod out by hand. You could say Superman had more time to learn about his powers, but that’s crap. Zod was just a punk who got punked by a dude in a red cape. Way to go, general.

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4 Superhero-Sized Issues With “The Man Of Steel”  was originally published on giantlife.com